9 days more..for the 11 days separation.. :( ~part1~

haiz..here i am facebooking..when i have 4 papers more to go, with calculus tomorrow, chemistry on Friday, Bcom on Monday n Biz on Tuesday..n with all these frustration n anger n disappointment building up in me,i just don't know what to do..seriously, why say can come,when u know there will be things coming up? dahla yesterday,i came all the way there just to be in the room for more than one hour..as i was already half dead. tired to the max. all i wanted to do yesterday was just talk n hum a little, while i rest on ur shoulder..but then..i can't blame u though,u didn't see it coming right? hmm..not even a proper hug or kiss u gave yesterday, cracked my heart a little..seeing u after 4 long days was already so stressing for me..i can't imagine how am i gonna survive the 11 days of the semester break..omg! i can't even think of it.. :(

n now,all i want to do is spent as much time i have to spare with you..but why u don't seem to understand it? Emd B..u know how badly i miss u everyday right? then, why do this to me? please baby, do try to understand..i can't be telling all these to you, cause sometimes i might unintentionally hurt u, i might not know Emd B.. please?

Love,

zachareal adhelle

why did i do this? i myself never knew.. *sigh*

u were the best, really..but i, stupidly left you..but it was for own good..do u need a girl like me? definitely no. u deserve someone better,someone prettier..but not me. i know i loved you,really n truly. but, one small thing that i never agreed, i asked you to do it, n well, till now u haven't done it. it shows how much u care for HER too. i don't blame you..SHE perhaps loves you, well, sometimes it's a little bit obvious that SHE does, n perhaps you don't. that is what u said. that u still love me. yes, i believe you, don't worry. but why haven't u do what i asked you to? was is so hard? so complicated? if yes..how did u turn up loving me? if yes..then i am hard n complicated too right? i don't know how to hide things but, at the same time i hated hurting u..maybe u were right,we were better off n caring as best friends..all i asked for was..*sigh!* never mind..i'm just too..too..immature,for u..but..i know i loved u, deep down in the pits of my heart..i was sincere n true (although i don't what makes this two words different) n never expected lots from u..i only wanted u to love me,take care of me as if i was ur little baby girl,n never never to hurt me..cause u see..this heart of mine is just too fragile n brittle,that even a little crack can totally destroy it into pieces..i'm just so sorry if i have ever hurt u,i never do it on any intention..forgive me bie..u were one gem in my life..but,im just a piece of messed up shit..


"forgive me please? what i have done is so mean n hurting that i'm not to be forgiven, i know..but.."


love,
zachareal adhelle

u loved me? i doubt that..

30^th september 2010- A date I would never forget. The day I really knew your real colour. The real you. You never loved me for who I am. You never did love me actualy. You used me infact. Yes. You USED me. Me. But, I just wonder why it was me. I'm just tired of everything. Tired of you suspecting me all the time. Tired of you telling that I don't care or bother about you anymore. Tired of you controling me. Tired of you telling me to keep a distance from my best friends just because you are afraid anyone of them might gain my attention. How could you think like that when we are actually treating one another like family? We are not those group of people that would somehow betray a good friendship that we have with each other. But you know what, I think I rather get together with anyone of them rather than to be with you. Cause they seem to know and understand me better than you do. And you say that you love me, you need me and that you can't imagine a life without me. How weird! You don't even trust me fully, but you say those things to me.

I die every second thinking about this. Thinking about you. Thinking about us. Everytime you throw all those words at me, do you realise how hurt I get? How heartbreaking it is? Most importantly, how heart stabbing each word you use is? Did you realise all this? All the time, you tell me that you liked to be cared and showered with love. But didn't you realise that I want to be treated the same way too? As a matter of fact, I'm a girl. Obviously I will be expecting a lot from you; to be loved, cared, pampered and fussied around. You were supposed to make me feel like a baby, being made sure I don't get hurt, and you were supposed to treat me like a little girl. I was supposed to be your little girl. Calling me 'baby' is not enough, you should treat me like one. Calling me 'sayang' is not enough, you should really love me fully. But, in our relationship, I must take care of you, fuss you around, be head over heels over you and my world should always be about you. Sincerely, I thought it was supposed to be the other way around.

Once, the guys and I were having tea at a mamak shop when a very dear guy friend of mine once brought out the topic of love. It was a very good debate, we had so much fun indeed. Then, in the end, forgetting I was there too, he told “Macha, girls are always similar in some way or another. Not all girls that seem to be sweet are nice, and the vice versa too. But, the sincere ones, will always fall for the wrong guy, love him sincerely and deeply, and in the end, when that guy plays them off, they will be so damn heart broken that they will normally lose their faith in love. That's why I still respect some of them.” I just stared at him, and I realised that his eyes were watery. Knowing a lot of his past, I just patted his back. He turned around and soon enough was apologizing. Well, what he said was true, and now it's proven. Maybe I did fall for the wrong guy. Maybe it was wrong for me to think that you would be like my Dev too. Dev. He was one a million. My Dev. He was and will always be my Dev. If only. If only he would have survived. If only that night never existed. If only..he would have been still alive, he and I would have been so perfect together. Certain nights after talking to you, after silently listening to whatever hurting stuffs you would tell me, I would just stare out of the window, my eyes gazing into the empty sky. Then I realised. Realised how much I missed Dev.

..................................................................................................

"everytime i miss u, i stare into the sky, looking for the brightest star.."

love,

zachareal adhelle

pookul pookum tharanum (madrasapattinam) - one of the most awesom-est lyrics

Pookal pookum tharunam aaruyirae, paarthathaarum illaiyae
Ularum kaalai pozhudhai mulumadhiyum pirinthu povadhillaiyae
Netruvarai naeram poga villaiyae, unadhu arugae naeram poadhavillaiyae
Ethuvum paesavillaiyae, indru yaeno ethuvum thoandravillaiyae ithu ethuvo?
Iravum vidiyavillaiyae, athu vidinthaal pagalum mudiyavillaiyae poonthalirae!

Vaarthai thevaillai, vaazhum kaalam varai, paavai paarvai mozhi paesumae!
Naetru thevaillai, naalai thevaillai, indru indha nodi podhumae!
Vaerindri vidhaindri vinthoovum mazhaiendru ithu enna ivan thoattam pookuthuthae?
Vaalindri porindri valikindra yuthamindri ithu enna ivanukkul ennai velluthae?
Idhayam muluka irukum intha thayakam, engu kondu niruthum
Ithai ariya engu kidaikum vilakam , athu kidaithaal solla vendum enakum
Munthaliraeeee


Oh where would I be without this joy inside of me?
It makes me want to come alive; it makes me want to fly into the sky!
Oh where would I be if I didn’t have you next to me?
Oh where would I be? Oh where, oh where?


Entha megam ithu? Enthan vaasal vantha engum eera mazhai thoovuthae!
Entha uravu ithu? Ethuvum puriyavillai endrapothum ithu neeluthae!
Yaarendru ariyaamal, paerkooda theriyaamal, ivalodu oru sondham uruvaanaathae!
Yaenendru kaetkaamal, thaduthaalum nirkaamal ivan pogum valiyengum manam poguthae!
Paadhai mudintha piragum, intha ulagil payanam mudivathillaiyae
Kaatril paranthae paravai marainthu piragum, ilai thodangum nadanam mudivathillaiyae!
Ithu ethuvo!


Pookal pookum tharunam aadhavanae paarthathaarum illaiyae
Ularum kaalai pozhudhai mulumadhiyum pirinthu povadhillaiyae
Netruvarai naeram poga villaiyae, unadhu arugae naeram poadhavillaiyae
Ethuvum paesavillaiyae, indru yaeno ethuvum thoandravillaiyae…enna pudhamai?
Iravum vidiyavillaiyae, athu vidinthaal pagalum mudiyavillaiyae Ithu ethuvo!!

most heartbreaking day in my life

well,finals are finally over,n with me being back at home it is really comforting. slept continuously, till my heart's content. *hahax* sleepyhead! well, my war is over,n who emerges victorious, it is still a question mark.


well,as for mr.x, apparently he cheated me. wait, wait, it's not that i'm blaming him on purpose, but it is the truth. he just broke my heart to pieces. he just disappointed. had so much faith on him. i trusted him 101% in fact. he played with my little heart, my already once broken heart. *oh cupid,u tricked me too!* 


it was as simple as ABC, just to admit that u r in love with someone else, it's not as if i would pounce on u. the regret n pain would be there, maybe just for a day or a week, but that's it. now, the pain mr.x has caused me is going to be there forever. made me loose my faith in love, i will never blame love though, NEVER. love is a sweet drug-have an over dosage n u'll die,take it in a good way n u'll survive.


sick to say this,n hate to admit it,no matter what,i still love mr.x. i loved the way he smiled, the way he called me with the nickname of his choice, n d way he proves his innocence all the time..


"i still love u more than i hate u..how can u ask me to stop loving u when reality states that when i do, it's similar to asking me to stop breathing?u might be someone else's, but i ask u one thing..give me back my heart,my life n soul..n set me free..n yet i will never ever stop loving u.."

"I remember this morning when I was getting get up,
There were so many things,
That I would love to do,
With YOU..
You ARE my life,
I will never ever leave you..
My love,
What im trying to do,
Is just to talk to you..
And I cant hold it back anymore now,
Baby let me explain,
What I wanted to say,
I'm sorry for everything,
And please, please don't walk away,
From me,
When it is now,
That I need you the most..
My Love, my Baby, my Life..
You mean the WORLD to me.."


love,
zachareal adhelle

day four - third n FINAL day of finals :)

wee!! it's over..did i just say O-V-E-R,as in O V E R? woohoo!! unbelievable..i so do love myself now..hahax..SLEEP here i come! my BLANKIE, your job to snuggle me up is here..fuuh!! all those days without sleep! hope evrything pass of.. *blinks*

as for mr.x, i havent seen him yet too. miss him badly but wat can i do..mr.x..wen will u realise me? *sigh*

.......................................................................................................................
 "stopping my love for u is like stopping my heartbeat forever.."

love,
zachareal adhelle

day three - second day of finals

*fuhh!* algebra&trigonometry was awesome! did all the questions,with no trouble,except for a little flaw there n here..apart from that,it was ok.. :) all i'm afraid is for tomorrow; PHYSICS.. *haiz*

mr.x irritated me today..*hmph* told him I was sick,but he was bothered about someone else. *wth!* so not a gentleman! but in one corner,i still miss him too *stars blinking,birds twittering in a distance*

well, i have not much to say today actually..all cause the tension n stress PHYSICS is giving. even accounting practice is being a good girl by sitting at one corner quietly. physics *haiz* is like a wild monkey, jumping here n there,causing so much mess in my brains. hope tomorrow starts n ends fine.

"loving u is like drowning myself in a sea; a sea i call love"

love,
zachareal adhelle
p/s: flu n fever gone..now with headache.. *aargh!*